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YouTube Movie of the Day - September 16, 2007

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I've never been much of a video game nerd. Actually, no--during the golden era that SNES and Sega Genesis were the reigning kings of ConsoleChusetts, I was a fucking video game FIEND. When I was in elementary school, our family was too broke to actually buy me a Super Nintendo. Once a month, my mom would rent the entire system and Street Fighter II for me, and I would stay in from Friday afternoon (after TGIF of course, I needed my fill of Step by Step) all the way until Sunday night glued in front of my TV, my hands aching and sweating as I gnashed my teeth and pummel fucked my controller into our shag carpeting when I lost to that Commie cocksucker M. Bison. I was so obsessed that I spent a week putting together my own strategy guide for Street Fighter II, using my own illustrations and what I could gather were the special moves, bios and cheats from discarded GamePro magazines that my cousin would give me when he was done with them. Let me clarify; I didn't own a SNES or Street Fighter II, but I still felt compelled to obsessively waste hour after painstaking hour perfecting Blanka's electricity move with a set of stumpy colored pencils. When I was introduced to alcohol, boobs and driving, video games took a backseat in the dented jalopy that was my teenage years.

At age 23, my roommate was moving out of my apartment to shack up with his then girlfriend when he asked me if I wanted to buy his Xbox and all of his games for a ridiculously low price. The weekend prior, I got drunk and spent $200 on garden gnomes at Big Lots that I ended up throwing out of my third story window, and this potential purchase was a fantastic investment opportunity by comparison. I shelled out the cash and the Xbox spent the next two years collecting dust, stray bottle caps and porcelain gnome shrapnel.

I was in the discount music store one day and I saw a used copy of Halo 2 on sale for next to nothing. It was impossible not to hear about that game being a 25 year-old guy, and I was curious to see what all of the hype was about. That was the day I regressed into glassy-eyed, sun-starved ObsessiveFu Mike. I bought Xbox live and spent countless post last-call hours with that shitty headset glued to my sweaty, drunk cabeza as I berated 13 year-old boys into choking tears for fragging me in a game of 'capture the flag.' I was psyched; I was rekindling the childish, fantastic cornucopia of fevered emotions that only being in the middle of a heated video game session can evoke, and the people at Bungie made it all possible. It took me forever, but I finally beat Halo II and just like my teenage years, video games once again rode the pine...until I saw this trailer on YouTube fifteen minutes ago.

If you could see me right now, you would laugh your ass off because I am sporting the same facial expression that you did when you came down the stairs that one fateful Christmas morning and found your first bike parked next to the tree. I'm frantically bidding around for an Xbox 360 that can arrive before , emailing all of my friends to make sure they do the same, and I just noticed that I have half a hard-on as I type this. I'm not sure how I am going to rationalize spending so much time inside playing video games now that I'm living in southern California's unbelievable climate, but if it means that I have to fall down the stairs at work "by accident" so that I can collect worker's comp and help Master Chief curb stomp The Covenant, then I'm headed to Home Depot after this to buy an inconspicuous, leaky mop bucket on rollers.

Posted by KungFu Mike at 10:04 PM

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Comments

SICK!!! I'd buy a 360 JUST for that game...

Posted by: Po-Town's Finest at September 17, 2007 08:11 AM

one of my buddies got the beat version of this game for like 2 weeks and we played in nonstop. it is instense, thought they changed some of the controls.

Posted by: nick at September 17, 2007 10:35 AM

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